I watched our kids playing duck duck goose outside and running around. I couldn’t fully participate, but I held things for people. One boy gave me his toy to keep safe. But part of me wanted to do more than smile, laugh, and cheer on everyone else. I wanted to jump in the game and be chased and knocked over by a child I love. Oh well. I take the gift of being physically present and emotionally and verbally invested and turn it into joy.
I revisited these words in my journal. I just wrote them yesterday, but I’ve been thinking about the moment since it happened on Sunday.
Every now and then something about my limits hits me. It can take me a while to process what I’m actually feeling and the why behind it.
Sunday morning I felt off before I even arrived to church. I guess I started that day tired and not fully ready for a morning with the kindergarteners. The weather was beautiful so we took them outside. We were all having fun and enjoying this chance to be in the sunshine.
Then I had a moment and I decided to sit with it. Why was I sad when there was plenty of joy before me? Because I wanted more from that moment. I felt and saw my limits. I briefly wished I could hop out of my wheelchair and run around like everyone else. And I would have rolled down the grassy hill with the other boys. That looked like something I would love. Simple adventures. Great joy.
I sped after one boy and laughed with him as he rolled back and forth. Oh the fun of childhood. I was glad to be a part of that moment and the whole morning.
I also realized as I journaled that it’s okay to be sad right in the middle of a happy moment. It’s okay to feel my limits. Because maybe that brief sadness is what really teaches me joy.
I can ask, where is the deep joy? What is the reason to be thankful here and now?
Before the moment passes by, look for the grace. Choose the joy.
The gifts from God are bigger and better than our sadnesses, our weaknesses, and our limitations.
Can you see them today?
I’m going to keep searching and writing in my journal because I can find them. God leads us back to His perspective whenever we are ready.
Before the moment passes by, sit in it. Learn from it. He is there with you.
The word for this Five Minute Friday post was “pass.”