The Tension to Trust

It was easy for me to trust God about the whole college thing. I never questioned the going or not going. In my mind, the answer had always been I was going.

This might surprise you, given the fact that my parents and I had a lot to figure out. The transition from high school to college involves many details for people with disabilities. At the time, I was not overwhelmed or concerned. I trusted. And I let my excitement carry me far from any fears.

I wasn’t just going to college down the road. I was moving 2 and 1/2 hours away and that meant I needed quite a few people to help me in the everyday. And find people to stay each night. For 4 years.

Of course, you’re not planning for the entire 4 years when you start. You look at one semester and come up with a plan. Then you take the next semester and continue that plan or create a new one.

All of this has been a part of an ongoing conversation with a new friend. She needs advice as she is beginning her own journey to attend college. I’m trying to mentor her through the challenges and share my experience in hopes of providing ideas that will also work for her.

The conversations have reminded me of the difficult moments we did face years ago. The process is not easy when it feels like you’re navigating the questions and the red tape on your own. You don’t always find the right people to help you until one option fails.

I could have panicked when all the attendants we thought we had hired quit before classes had even begun.

I could have thrown in the towel when there was a pretty big conflict with my 2 main caregivers the first year.

I could have wanted to change home health agencies when people continued to be no-shows.

Yes, I was upset when things happened, but I still trusted deep down. I trusted God who led me on this path. He would see me through any obstacle.

Trust is not a once-and-done thing. It’s an ongoing commitment to know God is walking with you.

Wherever He is leading, we can trust it will be good. He brought me through the college days. My job back then was to not give up at the first sign of trouble. And trust that another, better option was coming.

And this, my friends, is still my job today.

Trust. Keep looking. Don’t lose hope.

P.S. I have a hard time writing for just five minutes. I don’t like to leave my thoughts hanging, so hopefully you don’t mind. Freedom, anyone?