When Weary Can’t Win

I have to admit I’ve been missing the daily blogging. I grew used to the habit last month as I finally did the Write 31 Days challenge. I did it. I finished. I learned a few things along the way and I’ll have to share them soon. Tonight I’m too tired for a lot of words.

I’m not just tired. I’m weary, but I’m determined to not let weary win.

Weary seemed to come when November arrived. Or maybe it never really left. There’s that rollercoaster in life and sometimes the storms feel big while other days they feel like a slight speed bump…you’re not quite ready for the challenge, but it’s thrown at you suddenly and you have no time to ponder the decision. Think fast. Take the next step.

I started the month thinking I could adjust to the new Bipap. I gave it 2 nights in a row and then sleep was more important than accepting this new machine. I put it on hold for almost 2 weeks. I had good reasons to wait, mainly I needed energy and mental clarity to make it through some busy days.

And I knew the machine wasn’t right yet. More phone calls had to happen to the doctor and the machine people. That’s what I call them. Partly because I just switched companies recently and can’t remember the new name and partly because I make up nicknames for things I don’t love. (This is why the pulmonologist became the “lung” doctor when I was little and the orthotics person is called the “brace man”.)

My thoughts are everywhere tonight…Weary continued and I didn’t want the added stress of another 4am wake up with the new Bipap. But I called this past Monday and I found success in the conversation. They finally understood what I was saying and what I needed. And last night I gave it a try. I made it through the whole night. I woke up between 3 and 4, but I didn’t call for my parents. I thought, this isn’t too bad. I’ll keep sleeping. There were marks on my face when I woke up and it hurt a little. I even took photos to document any changes or what they call “pressure points”. Hopefully we can problem solve on our own and I can continue to adjust to the new. You keep praying and I’ll keep trying.

I didn’t mean for this post to be all about sleep and my Bipap again. I’ve been weary for other reasons too.

The storm is still here and I haven’t found any answers yet. Progress can feel slow when we want things to hurry.

And then the news from Paris happened. I’m not here to write out a bunch of thoughts, except this makes my heart weary too. The brokenness of the world is on display, but evil does not have the final say. We can be sad and feel overwhelmed, but weary doesn’t last.

Weary can’t win. Light shines brighter. Love digs deeper. Jesus’ power overcomes.

We need to pray for Paris…and the whole world.

 

I started¬†this post for the Five Minute Friday community on the word “weary”.